Fist Fights,Late Nights,Rock & Roll Shows

Either the beard goes, or I do . . .

An epic story of beard survival told by a US Army Special Forces officer.

I’m not here to complain or ask for pity. Life is hard for everybody, just in different ways. I’m not proud of my misfortune— I’m proud of my survival.

— Billy Joe Shaver, Honky Tonk Hero: An Autobiography

How To Survive The Hookup Culture

Full disclosure: This is yet another post inspired by Nicole. You aren’t reading her blog? Look, I know berating your readers is a writer no-no, but I’m no writer. I’m a motherfucking problem. Despite the title, Nicole’s post reads like more of a primer on the hookup culture and not necessarily a survival guide. Luckily for you, I’m pretty into survivalism. I regularly square off against zombie targets at the shooting range in preparation for the impending zombie apocalypse (it’s coming y’all) so you know you can trust me.

Don’t Take Things Personal

Realize what the Game is and how it’s played. Ultimately you need to be somewhat callous because the sport of hookup is not a group sport (well, I mean, it can be if you’re into that sort of thing). Sometimes he won’t call, sometimes she’ll start seeing someone else and before you even find someone to hookup with you are going to have a few crash and burn conversations with potentials. Get. That. Dirt off ya shoulder (damn, two Jay-Z references two paragraphs in? Nice.) and keep it moving. Which leads me to my next point…

Always Put Yourself First

Because everyone you are hooking up with is. This isn’t a relationship. You HAVE to look out for #1 if you want to survive the hookup culture. If not, you will be taken advantage of and you will get hurt. Putting yourself before others will also help to create a healthy distance, ensuring you avoid becoming attached prematurely or unwittingly.

But Don’t Be a Dick

Fuck, we get it. You’re the shit, you’re in demand. That doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole to ANYONE. There is a difference between taking care of yourself and using and manipulating people. When you get down to it, sex is actually a very intimate thing (I have to bring this up?). Don’t forget people’s feelings because ultimately it is possible to play this Game and cause minimal heartache. Try to stay on the same page with partners and don’t lead anyone on who catches feelings. Nobody is immune, it’s happened to all of us.

Know What You Want From a Relationship

Wait, aren’t we talking about hooking up? Yes, but pay attention. Hookups are usually the result of alcohol or meeting someone who isn’t quite relationship material but you still find attractive. Knowing what you need from someone in a relationship will help you categorize someone quicker. You think hookups are tiring? Dating requires 10 times the effort. This sounds cold blooded but determining if someone is date-able or hookup material early on will save you lots of (time|effort|money).

Take A Fucking Time Out

Dude, this Game is tiring: mentally, physically and socially. Take breaks. Get out from time to time. I’ll be honest, I’m not great at this. It usually takes me about a month to decompress and re-affirm that this whole hookup game is temporary, and indeed, there are still relationships in the year double-nought-nine. Recharge your batteries. One of the positives about the hookup culture is that it’s the complete opposite of a relationship. Put yourself first (sound familiar?) and if you need a break, take it.

Don’t Forget the Endgame

Perpetually hooking up is not the goal. A lot of people get wrapped up in the hookup lifestyle, and that’s fine if that’s what you want. But it’s probably not. I’m about as high testosterone of a guy as you can get and there is no way in Hell that I want my current “love” life to be the norm FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Enjoy yourself. You only live once after all, but keep your eyes on the prize, whatever that may be. You will not be damaged goods, prom-sies.

Conclusion: The Game sucks, even for those of us who are winning it do okay. But we are animals and sex is a necessity. Hooking up is a lot like masturbation. It’s something enjoyable and passes the time. Play it cool, take it easy and for the love of Physics, please don’t over complicate things. Are we living in moral times? Are we doomed to Hell for participating in the hookup culture? Please, Millennials aren’t breaking new ground here, but we are trying to do it better than it’s been done before, pretty much like we do everything.

Unless you’re willing to take up that vow of celibacy (better you than me man than me), participate, meet new people, be safe, learn new things but don’t give up the search for that thing you really want. Ultimately I think the hookup culture, as frustrating as it can be, is just one more way we can learn and love without settling for an unfulfilling relationship.

Oh, and have awesome sex.

As Darwin once said, “When motherfuckers need to survive, they do whatever the fuck they can to survive.” I believe that was from his 1859 book “The Origin of Species” or possibly from his 1863 book “Fuck All Y’all Bitches.

— [via]

Need to survive a lightning strike? There's an app for that.

Bully Beatdown: An Analysis

I admit that I had my reservations about MTV’s Bully Beatdown. Popular culture has latched on to our sport and largely bastardized it to make money (see Not Another Teen MMA Movie), which is not surprising, and I’m fairly certain every fad sport from rollerblading to street racing has gone through this. My big concern is that for the most part, these cultures are quickly dismissed by the public once the allure has worn off.

What street racers don’t get compared to the Fast & Furious franchise? Did any rollerbladers survive with their dignity intact after Airborne? Likewise, MMA may not get the respect it deserves once the mainstream is done with us. Maybe.

Enter Bully Beatdown. My initial fears with the show revolved around the portrayal of the fighters. Big, dumb, obnoxious: the typical fighter stereotypes. This is where BB has really surprized me. Instead of being rage filled jocks, just eager to beat on anything and everything, these guys are shown as thoughtful, diligent hard-working professional athletes, and in some cases, survivors of bullying themselves AKA real fighters minus all of the bullshit theatrics that come with the territory.

They are the ultimate good guys; defending the little guy, righting wrongs, and dealing justice with skillful submissions and striking.

Mayhem’s hosting is funny although a bit much at times. I’m afraid those uninitiated may equate his humor to that ADHD kid in your high school remedial math class, but there is no better personality in the sport with the right mix of shit talk, skills and questionable sanity.

The core of the show is a masterful recital of one of the most basic Universal truths: Watching assholes get the shit whipped out of them is damn entertaining. After watching all 4 episodes, I can proudly give it 2 thumbs up, both for the sport and for entertainment.

Buying into the fantasy

Like any red blooded American 20 something male (or person, according to my social circle), it’s not unheard of for me to offer my patronage to the local artisans of the erotic dance variety. My view of such activities is thus: I am a client, these girls are at work doing a job. There are no connections being made, there is only an exchange of services and money. The end.

I have a friend who views a night out at the gentlemen’s club differently. To him, the experience as a whole is what he is purchasing. He wants to be approached, flirted with, and generally made to feel like there is some sort of relationship blossoming. He calls it “buying into the fantasy.” He knows the truth, that the girls are only after one thing, but he consciencely decides to suspend belief for those few hours and left himself believe that these tens of girls are all pining for him for a reason that is not his money.

Interestingly enough, this is how I approach so called “falling in love.”

I get that love is largely made up to 2 things: brain chemistry and evolutionary psychology. I know that when a woman says she loves me, what she means to say is “I love the security and genetic diversity you will provide for our potential offspring.” I get that in her sub-conscience, I am a symbol for successful reproduction. And by the way, this isn’t a one-way street. I realize these true-isms go both ways.

I know that pheromones and testosterone along with physical ratios are responsible for initial attraction and dopamine and oxytocin are the reason for the feelings of intimacy apparent after sex. “Love” as humans experience it does not really exist, it’s all one big production to facilitate pair-bonding in order to increase the survival statistics of possible children.

Yet still we buy into this fantasy.

After the drinks have been drank (c/o T-Pain), cigars have been smoked, and a good time had by all, my friend leaves the club with no illusions of the night’s experience. There was no attempting to get numbers or “hang out” once the DJ packs up. The fantasy is over and there is no problem transitioning back into reality.

And at the end of relationships we begin to realize what we knew all along. This was a mating experiment gone wrong. Pack up your things and learn what you can for the next go round.

I would think that knowing how love functions biologically would make the whole thing seem depressing if not for one important fact: Despite knowing the truth, I am looking forward to buying into the fantasy once again.

Modivated me is a scary individual

I haven’t been taking life that seriously for about the past year, right about the time I stopped fight training regularly. Fighters live a very driven and diciplined lives, which is something I’ve always loved but this past year I have taken advantage of a lifestyle that doesn’t constantly demand my best. This culminated in a small catastrophe this weekend where I made some poor choices that I’m going to be dealing with for the next year at least.

I was going to give myself a day to be emo and indulge in some self-loathing before figuring out where I go from here when I woke him up.

The guy who survived the streets.

The guy who started working at 12 to alleviate the financial stress he put on his parents.

The guy who raised his little brothers.

The guy who fought at the World level against men at 15 years old.

The guy who got a 5 year degree in 4.

The guy who busted ass to get scholarships/grants and worked so there would be no debt after college.

The guy who landed his dream job weeks after graduating.

The guy who bought his first house at 22.

So now it’s done. The dial has been turned all the way up and I’m back.  Now the work begins.

Most guys are physically weak and only “work out” when they’re feeling particularly bad about staying up all night drinking and oogling women they’d never have a chance with.

Most guys spend more money on beer than they do on quality food. (And it’s piss-beer, at that.)

Most guys have absolutely no idea what kind of body women find attractive.

Most guys are in debt up to their eyeballs and have no way to get out. They then spend money on frivolous, materialistic crap and end up paying 18% interest on something that cost $9.50.

Most guys who have the means skimp on nice clothing and dress like homeless people.

Most guys don’t have a post-workout shake and still wonder why they’re not gaining muscle as quickly.

Most guys can’t cook.

Most guys only get laid a couple of times per year. And if it’s more, most guys screw the same manipulative, bitchy girlfriend who has their balls in a vise grip.

Most guys sit on their ass all day and waste time watching trashy sitcoms.

Most guys haven’t opened a book since high school.

Most guys can’t deadlift their own body weight.

Most guys don’t even know what a deadlift is.

Most guys back down when they need to stand strong and make up with bombast and ego when they need to feel worthwhile.

Most guys act tough when they feel threatened.

Most guys work a job they hate.

Most guys live a life they hate, or worse, a life they quietly tolerate.

Most guys are sheep who settle for what was given to them.

Most guys don’t know their families well.

Most guys hesitate and miss their chance to talk a beautiful girl.

Most guys don’t know what they’re doing tomorrow.

Most guys have no idea how good a top-notch bourbon, glass of malbec, or a craft beer really is.

Most guys are looking for the bigger, better deal and don’t live in the present.

Most guys don’t travel outside of their city, state, or country.

Most guys make excuses for everything.

Most guys react to every situation.

Most guys give us a bad name.

Most guys need to grow up and start holding themselves accountable.

Most guys survive.

Don’t be most guys.

Thrive.

— Are You Like Most Guys? via The Nate Green Experience