Fist Fights,Late Nights,Rock & Roll Shows

Dude Standard #1: You must be willing to give me a post-engagement blowski. In public. With photographers around. Also: An introduction.

datingstandards:

I was always more of a Ren Stevens guy myself, but damn Lizzie McGuire is getting gangster in her old age. She’s like, what? 20? Anyway, the point is, when I drop a milli on a rock, get on my cock. Can I make cock jokes here?

If you haven’t noticed, I’m new here. My name’s Kyle. I sometimes post about sex, dating, and relationships over on my tumblr and for some reason I was offered the male perspective spot here on Dating Standards. I’ll be jumping in sporadically with advice, how-to’s and general fuckery.

Hey girls, did you know this is the 100th post? Dick jokes for the Centennial! Aren’t you glad you invited me to the party?

<3 y’all,

Kyle

photo credit
link credit

Oh hey you guys, I’m now posting all my dating & relationship shit-talk over at Dating Standards. Follow along!

Things About Sex I’ve Learned

jaeboogie:

Libido Compatibility Fucking Matters

While there’s a lid for every pot, some pots require a bit more time on the stove than others. Even the happiest and strongest coupling will eventually shift to shit if one party is cool with once every another week (or month) or so and the other needs it at least once a day. Eventually one of them will have to “compromise” a bit more than the other, and, depending on who does the compromising, this always results in either the low-libidoed person feeling used for sex and eventually hating it, or the high-libidoed one feeling unwanted and eventually resenting their mate.

Don’t Trust a Person Who Says They Never Masturbate

If they’re lying they’re too anal and pedestrian to realize that its not a subject worth lying about. If they’re telling the truth, they’re future murderers.

The Idea of a Woman/Man Willingly and Enthusiastically Performing and Enjoying Oral Sex Matters More Than the Actual Act

Dating While Horny Is No Different Than Grocery Shopping While Hungry

In both cases you’ll just end up spending too much for some shit you didn’t even really want.

Pretty Much Everyone Who’s Ever Said They Got Accidentally Pregnant or Contracted an STD Because a Condom Broke Is Fucking Lying

Sometimes “Technical Difficulties” Might Occur

Whether its because of stress, fatigue, alcohol, or the song you can’t get out of your head, sometimes shit, ummm, doesn’t happen.

The More I Learn, The More I Realize I Still Don’t Really Know Shit

Source: Very Smart Brothas

TRUTH IN BLOGS

More Men Marrying Wealthier Women

I’ve been preaching this for years. House husbands for the win.

getting over someone : necessary steps

datingstandards:

other than deleting him from your phonebook,etc.

(reference THIS post for tips with that!)

Find a guy friend (in my case, if you’re guy it might be a girl friend, or another guy friend - etc, you get the idea.) who’s willing to really listen and give you some sound advice. Sometimes you just need the validation that you’re not blindsighted by your emotions and that the person really is a waste of time. And guess what? You have the added bonus of them giving you advice from their past experiences,etc. and with that comes a huge sense of comfort and confidence that you can move on. I’ve been having a hard time letting go of someone and one of my friends’ kinda/sorta boyfriends helped me through the whole ordeal - what a kind guy! Appreciated it and then some. I’ll be posting some tips that he gave me that I’m finding are the exact cure to never contacting a pain in the neck again or wondering “what if”. In fact, Sarah and I are going to try and get him to become a member of the dating standards team! What do you think,folks? I think it’d be great to have a male voice on here to balance things out a little bit. Also,don’t forget we’ve enabled the submit feature now - we’d love to hear some of your standards! C’mon, we all have ‘em. Dish! bang.

Love,

Elle

fixed.

Some wisdom my mother shared with me while watching NBC's The Biggest Loser

Your Guide To Holiday Romance

Good stuff from John Carney.

Good Form v. Bad Form

I’m not a man who plays by the rules. I hate rules. I have to wait 2 days to call you? Fuck that bitch, I’m calling you NOW. At 4 in the morning. On a Wednesday. Hammereddrunk. BECAUSE I DON’T PLAY BY THE RULES. But I’m getting off topic.

Rules are black and white and as we all know: “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.” Instead, I prefer to group things into two categories: Good form and Bad form. The beauty with the form system is that you can still do something that’s totes-mcgoats bad form and get away with it provided your damage control game is tight. So without further ado, here are a few moves that I consider bad form along with their good form alternatives.

Bad form: Spitting game
Good form: Being a social, interesting person

Bad form: Calling a girl more than twice without a response
Good form: Call once, leave a voicemail. Call again, if no answer - tough cookies, move on

Bad form: Never taking a fucking hint
Good form: If she’s not interested, LEAVE HER ALONE

Bad form: Being sappy and emo
Good form: Getting accidentally sappy & emo but having the brains to not call/text/update facebook with retarded statuses

Bad form: Hitting on her friend
Good form: Getting a wingman to hit on her friend

Bad form: Drunk dialing (if you’re a guy)
Good form: Drunk dialing (if you are a girl). This is probably a personal thing because I love getting drunk dialed by a cute girl

Bad form: Bringing up your ex
Good form: Not punching her in the throat when she brings up hers

First Impressions, Double Lives & “Types”

“You’re not my type.”

The concept of “types” has been really intriguing me lately. A lot of this is due to my so called double life and watching how different people react to me based on how I look at the moment.

Your first impression of me would probably be miles apart based on when we crossed paths.

Suit & tie, or dress pants and collared shirts - Hard working, smart, ambitious.

Jeans, tees, peirced & tattoo’d - Slacker, creative, vagabonder.

I would venture that living this sort of double life is not uncommon for people my age, balancing a professional life while embracing what youth we have left.

Type really seems to have nothing to do with personality but instead is more of a social ideal. So “he’s not my type” deconstructs to “I think he’s nice enough to get to know, but he doesn’t fit into my social circle.”

I’ve noticed men are more easy going. The only guys I’ve ever known with types are the really religious guys who want an equally religious girl. Again, a social thing. They can associate and be friendly with any female but will only date one that fits into the social mold of being religious.

I guess my point is that stereotypes are bad and type-casting sucks. Get out of your comfort zone and stop dating people exactly like your fucking exs.

How To Survive The Hookup Culture

Full disclosure: This is yet another post inspired by Nicole. You aren’t reading her blog? Look, I know berating your readers is a writer no-no, but I’m no writer. I’m a motherfucking problem. Despite the title, Nicole’s post reads like more of a primer on the hookup culture and not necessarily a survival guide. Luckily for you, I’m pretty into survivalism. I regularly square off against zombie targets at the shooting range in preparation for the impending zombie apocalypse (it’s coming y’all) so you know you can trust me.

Don’t Take Things Personal

Realize what the Game is and how it’s played. Ultimately you need to be somewhat callous because the sport of hookup is not a group sport (well, I mean, it can be if you’re into that sort of thing). Sometimes he won’t call, sometimes she’ll start seeing someone else and before you even find someone to hookup with you are going to have a few crash and burn conversations with potentials. Get. That. Dirt off ya shoulder (damn, two Jay-Z references two paragraphs in? Nice.) and keep it moving. Which leads me to my next point…

Always Put Yourself First

Because everyone you are hooking up with is. This isn’t a relationship. You HAVE to look out for #1 if you want to survive the hookup culture. If not, you will be taken advantage of and you will get hurt. Putting yourself before others will also help to create a healthy distance, ensuring you avoid becoming attached prematurely or unwittingly.

But Don’t Be a Dick

Fuck, we get it. You’re the shit, you’re in demand. That doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole to ANYONE. There is a difference between taking care of yourself and using and manipulating people. When you get down to it, sex is actually a very intimate thing (I have to bring this up?). Don’t forget people’s feelings because ultimately it is possible to play this Game and cause minimal heartache. Try to stay on the same page with partners and don’t lead anyone on who catches feelings. Nobody is immune, it’s happened to all of us.

Know What You Want From a Relationship

Wait, aren’t we talking about hooking up? Yes, but pay attention. Hookups are usually the result of alcohol or meeting someone who isn’t quite relationship material but you still find attractive. Knowing what you need from someone in a relationship will help you categorize someone quicker. You think hookups are tiring? Dating requires 10 times the effort. This sounds cold blooded but determining if someone is date-able or hookup material early on will save you lots of (time|effort|money).

Take A Fucking Time Out

Dude, this Game is tiring: mentally, physically and socially. Take breaks. Get out from time to time. I’ll be honest, I’m not great at this. It usually takes me about a month to decompress and re-affirm that this whole hookup game is temporary, and indeed, there are still relationships in the year double-nought-nine. Recharge your batteries. One of the positives about the hookup culture is that it’s the complete opposite of a relationship. Put yourself first (sound familiar?) and if you need a break, take it.

Don’t Forget the Endgame

Perpetually hooking up is not the goal. A lot of people get wrapped up in the hookup lifestyle, and that’s fine if that’s what you want. But it’s probably not. I’m about as high testosterone of a guy as you can get and there is no way in Hell that I want my current “love” life to be the norm FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Enjoy yourself. You only live once after all, but keep your eyes on the prize, whatever that may be. You will not be damaged goods, prom-sies.

Conclusion: The Game sucks, even for those of us who are winning it do okay. But we are animals and sex is a necessity. Hooking up is a lot like masturbation. It’s something enjoyable and passes the time. Play it cool, take it easy and for the love of Physics, please don’t over complicate things. Are we living in moral times? Are we doomed to Hell for participating in the hookup culture? Please, Millennials aren’t breaking new ground here, but we are trying to do it better than it’s been done before, pretty much like we do everything.

Unless you’re willing to take up that vow of celibacy (better you than me man than me), participate, meet new people, be safe, learn new things but don’t give up the search for that thing you really want. Ultimately I think the hookup culture, as frustrating as it can be, is just one more way we can learn and love without settling for an unfulfilling relationship.

Oh, and have awesome sex.

8 Ways to Step Up Your (e)Game

I’m far from a player (hey, not that far), but what I am is a social chameleon with an academic background in social media. Here are some basic rules about dating & the internet that I cringe at on the reg when not followed.

Avoid posting specifics about your dating life

This is rule #1. We’ve all got blogs, twitters, facebooks. DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT YOUR DATING LIFE. Trust me, internet stalking is easy. Unless you post absolutely anonymously, using completely unlisted usernames & URLs, your sites will be found.

DON’T TALK SHIT

If you break rule #1, don’t break this one. Dating is like employment. Your next employer is not going to hire you if they read some shit you talked about your previous employer.

You broke rules 1 & 2? At least keep it ambiguous… fuck

Why are you even reading this if you aren’t going to follow it? Okay, you talked about dating and talked shit. Don’t use any personally identifiable information when talking about the other person. This way you can play it off when confronted by someone who is pissed you talked about them. Keep in mind, this is dirty. If you have to use this rule, congratulations, you are an asshole.

Keep blatant flirting to private channels

This is a rookie mistake. Keep the obvious flirtation to DMs, private messages and emails. Not only does openly flirting across social networks make you seem desperate, it could also come off as a little creepy. Plus, you never know who else is watching (see the last rule).

Delete, delete, delete

I’m not advocating cheating here but we’ve all been in that gray area. You are seeing someone pretty regularly but haven’t yet had “the talk.” As such, you’re still playing the field. Nothing technically wrong with that but your steady may not see it the same way. Text messages, facebook messages, emails. Delete anything scandalous without abandon.

Stay in ‘stealth mode’

“Why aren’t they responding? I see them on facebook/IM/updating twitter.” This is tricky, you need freedom to move online but don’t want to give the impression that you are ignoring anyone. Keep your IM status to “busy.” Facebook has one better, go completely invisible. A recent feature I found on my G1 is ‘send caller to voicemail’. Anytime I’m out with a girl, all other female friends get sent to voicemail automatically. Avoids the awkward “who was that calling” question. Don’t have this feature? Your phone’s silent mode works just as well.

Know who you’re dealing with

Most of my guy friends have been in serious long-term relationships for a while and this is a concept that is completely foreign to them. I’m in my mid-twenties and date girls anywhere from the ages 18 to 30. Each age group plays the game a little differently and knowing how to react to key. People between 18-22 (college age) grew up with their cell phones basically attached to them. They treat texting the same way people my age used to treat IM. You sent a text message, therefore you have your phone on you, therefore you can reply immediately to messages, having basically real-time conversation. People like myself in their mid-twenties tend to send messages while multi-tasking. We’re out of college with jobs and busy lives. Texts should be expected whenever one gets the chance to respond. Late twenties, early thirties tend to be more phone talkers. A text will likely be responded to with a phone call.

Live your online life assuming every person you are dating is watching

This is self explanatory. Assume everyone you date is reading what you publicly post (they probably are) and post accordingly.

Conclusion: I hope I didn’t give the impression that I advocate being shady. Most of this should be common sense to anyone dating in the digital age. Overall I advocate honesty in any relationship. If someone asks you if you are dating other people you should be honest, but unless you are getting serious with someone, that is the extent of what they need to know.

Full disclosure: This post was inspired by, but definitely not a response of any kind to this post by Nicole, who I have a huge eCrush on. Pretty sure I just broke, like, every rule.